Yesterday morning, before awakening to you putting on your socks and getting ready to leave for work, I had the most lovely dream. I refused to tell you out loud because of reasons. But I feel as though writing it down will help extract it from my head and let me move on to other thoughts.

We went to the courthouse and were married. It was full of sweetness and happiness and love. Then we met your brother for a meal at a diner and since we had eloped, he was the first person to hear the news. He was so happy for us and you were so happy for us and I was, too.

And that is what breaks my heart. He won’t be there whenever it happens. He won’t be there to hold our future children or to visit us on vacation or to play Halo 3 with you.

And that sucks. It’s unfair. It’s downright tragic. But it is what it is and there’s no changing it so we have to live with it and all I can do is be there to comfort you when you’re sad.

polyvore

so i’ve been aware of polyvore for a few months, but have only just today signed up… goodbye, precious hours of productivity that my future could have held! hello, hours of making pretty collages on the internet…

marling.darling

Marling Darling by acieboots featuring slim shoes

lily.cole

lily.cole by acieboots on Polyvore.com

zooey.deschanel

Zooey Deschanel by acieboots on Polyvore.com

happiness

sometimes when i’m happy

words pour out of me

like blood from my veins

and sometimes when i’m happy

i can’t quite find the words

to express my joy

i suppose i’d rather suffer the latter

and be quietly bubbling over

savoring the love i feel inside

than say too much

and jinx myself

so i’m happy

so happy

firecracker

it amazes me that after everything i’ve gone through to get to the place that i’m at, to turn into the person that i am, i can still trust someone new so quickly

or perhaps it’s just that this new someone is finally a someone who is trustworthy

or perhaps i’m just excited

 

does.not.suffice

21.february

you finally told me no and a weight has been lifted

my disappointment is not as overwhelming as my new-found freedom to let go

there will always be a beautiful sadness between us

and in the future there will be moments where we wonder what could have been

but for now, i’ll move on to being recklessly optimistic about other things

and wait for someone else to tear me apart

perhaps you weren’t destructive enough for me anyway

do.you.ever

do you ever imagine something to be so great

and think about it constantly

building it up to be this monumental truth

that only exists inside your head

?

have you ever let those thoughts exit your mouth

tumbling over your tongue

in a haphazard manner, wreaking havoc in a way

you hadn’t hoped for

?

have you ever sat back and listened to yourself

as if you were someone else

listening to ridiculous words of hope and desire

realizing only then

just how ridiculous you were

?