Archive for the ‘feelings’ Category


sometimes when i’m happy

words pour out of me

like blood from my veins

and sometimes when i’m happy

i can’t quite find the words

to express my joy

i suppose i’d rather suffer the latter

and be quietly bubbling over

savoring the love i feel inside

than say too much

and jinx myself

so i’m happy

so happy

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it amazes me that after everything i’ve gone through to get to the place that i’m at, to turn into the person that i am, i can still trust someone new so quickly

or perhaps it’s just that this new someone is finally a someone who is trustworthy

or perhaps i’m just excited


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you finally told me no and a weight has been lifted

my disappointment is not as overwhelming as my new-found freedom to let go

there will always be a beautiful sadness between us

and in the future there will be moments where we wonder what could have been

but for now, i’ll move on to being recklessly optimistic about other things

and wait for someone else to tear me apart

perhaps you weren’t destructive enough for me anyway

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do you ever imagine something to be so great

and think about it constantly

building it up to be this monumental truth

that only exists inside your head


have you ever let those thoughts exit your mouth

tumbling over your tongue

in a haphazard manner, wreaking havoc in a way

you hadn’t hoped for


have you ever sat back and listened to yourself

as if you were someone else

listening to ridiculous words of hope and desire

realizing only then

just how ridiculous you were



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i feel the rush

inside my head

i’m falling out of control




toward the ground

teeth numb

eyelids drooping

limbs heavy

i cannot tell

whether it is fatigue

or still symptoms


all i know

is that with every breath

and every shift of

my vision

i’ll continue to




out of control

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i’m used to feeling more hurt

i’m used to feeling more pain

i’m used to feeling more confusion

i’m used to feeling more longing

i’m used to feeling more

i’m used to feeling

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a cold heart will burst
if mistrusted first
and a calm heart will break
when given a shake


i think i’m on the verge of being uncontrollably happy, and that’s exciting.

please don’t break my heart.

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tonight i did not think my phone was silent on purpose

hoping any slight buzzing was coming from my purse

and not the tv

tonight i did not leave my phone in the car

and therefore torture myself for hours

wondering why i’m being ignored

tonight i did not realize my phone was in my car

and smile as my heart lifted

hoping i would soon be the one


tonight i did not feel crushed

when looking at the blank screen of my retrieved phone

realizing i was not on your mind

tonight i did not go to bed alone

tired and wondering and tired of wondering

whether you want me or not

whether i want you or not

whether i have any idea what i want

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the cold in the air

is amplified

with the knowledge

that your arms

won’t be warming me


the hope in my heart

is amplified

with the knowledge

that your arms

will be around me


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